Tuesday, March 8, 2016

Enjoy the now

It seems that as adults we're constantly preparing children for what's to come.  Early on we prepare our three and four year-olds for kindergarten by teaching the alphabet and how to write their name. We worry that we should always be looking ahead, making sure our child is ready for that next step - whether it be kindergarten, second grade, or middle school.

The problem with looking forward, always in preparation mode, is the loss of the here and now.  Children will never get those Pre-K years back or their time in first, second, third, or fourth grade.  They'll only be five once.

What our children really need from us, the adults in their lives, is trust.  They need us to trust that they are exactly where they should be at any given moment.  That they possess great intelligence and the innate curiosity to learn about the world.  That they'll reach those milestones.  They will learn to read, tie their shoes, ride a bike, write their name.  Trust, whenever and wherever it’s possible, reasonable and age-appropriate, is one of the most profound gifts we can give our children. Through trust we offer children opportunities to fully own their achievements and internalize the validating message: “I did it!

Trust is also a gift for adults, because it means we don’t waste our energy trying to urge development forward or “fix” issues that are usually best resolved by providing children with a nurturing environment and leaving the rest up to them. Attempting to force development before a child is ready sets us both up for unnecessary frustration and failure. We all know the expression, “you can lead a horse to water, but…”

So let's all appreciate this small window of time in our child's life.  It is magical, filled with wonder, and ever so fleeting.